When I was going through my divorce, I lived with my parents for three months to save money. During my time with them, I came to a startling realization:
My parents eat like crap.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my parents. So much so that they had to kick me out of the house at age 25.
My older sister left when she turned 18.
But I digress.
I love my parents very much and I have the best relationship with them, but honest to God, they eat like crap.
Their pantry looks like a grocery store, with its shelves of canned goods, variety bags of chips, boxed cereals, cases of sodas, and multiple boxes of Keurig K-Cups. To say that my Dad loves variety is the understatement of the universe.
The inside of their fridge is filled with a veritable Who’s Who of processed foods and bags of candy. My Dad has a serious sweet tooth and it was passed down to me. Lucky me. My Mom hates to cook (something she passed down to me, among other things), so sometimes they like to order from their favorite places. One of those places—my least favorite—is a Mexican food place near their house. The quality of the food there is horrible (read: Constipation Station).
By the time I’d found a place to live with my sister, my stomach was throwing some serious shade like, “Biiiiitch! What the fuck is goin’ on up in here, up in here? You better fix this with a quickness because this is NOT the business.”
To say that Mr. Ex and I ate a lot cleaner than my folks was, again, a major understatement of the universe. We didn’t keep any sweets in the house and we weren’t fans of canned goods or processed meats. I was definitely off my feed, so to speak. One of the many eating habits I didn’t share with them was milk. They’re Whole Milk drinkers and Mr. Ex and I were two percenters.
I love a glass of cold milk with my oatmeal.
And I’m that person who tips up the bowl of milk after eating cold cereal.
Yes, even as an adult. If you’ve got the right kind of cereal, drinking the after-milk is the best part.
But after moving into my new place, my tummy had other ideas. Like that silly ol’ bear used to say, “there’s a rumbly in my tumbly” and it had nothing to do with having a hankering for a pot of honey.
Maybe it was me trying to go back to being a two percenter.
Maybe it was the emotional stress.
Maybe it was me trying to get through the emotional stress, while being in a new environment with a new roommate.
Either way, my body was telling me to basically fuck off and I listened.
Sometimes a bowl of cereal hits the hunger spot and I really needed to find an alternative. My sister’s vegan and if anyone knows about alternatives, it would be her.
I tried drinking her brand of Almond Milk. <Icky Face inserted here>
Yeah, me no likey.
The consistency reminded me of skim milk and I can’t stand that shit. However, I can drink it if it’s in smoothies.
I tried the A2 milk. Not too bad, but in the words of U2, I still hadn’t found what I was looking for.
Then, in a magazine, I’d seen an ad for Oatly. I thought, “Oatmilk? Made from oats? Well, I’m an oatmeal connoisseur, so I’ll try this out.”
Needless to say, I no longer have a “rumbly in my tumbly”.
I now get the Original and it tastes good in my cereal.
I use it when I make eggs.
I use it in my smoothies, on the off chance I feel like making one.
I recently tried the Full Fat version and I actually may switch to this one because the consistency is thicker and I like way it froths up and makes my coffee creamier.
I recently decided to try the Barista version. I didn’t use it to make my coffee (I use instant and that’s a whole ‘nother post), just as a creamer. It’s not too bad, but I won’t buy it again.
My sis and I recently tried their vanilla ice cream.
It’s excellent in root beer floats, says sis. She should know. Of the two of us, she’s the Rootbeer Float Expert.
And it makes great hot fudge sundaes, says me. The Hot Fudge Sundae Expert.
Unfortunately, I’m no longer the woman who enjoys a cold glass of milk with my oatmeal. <lone teardop inserted here>
And I’m no longer that person who tips up the bowl and drinks the cold cereal after-milk <another lone teardrop rolls down my face>
I can’t drink it plain.
Not even the cold cereal after-milk.
Something about the consistency of it. My brain is fully aware that this isn’t “real milk” and will allow me to move forward in my new non-dairy existence. Even as it sucker punches me in the mouth and tells me I can never drink it on its own.
So…I mourned the loss of a long-time tradition.
I took a moment of silence to honor something I’ve been doing since I was old enough to feed myself.
And then promptly opened the cabinet and brought out a bowl.
[Side Note: When Hurricane Corona Virus rolled through, there was a shortage of Oatly and I had to pivot. In its absence, I tried Fairlife and it was a poor substitute. Needless to say, I did the Snoopy Dance when I was able to find my non-dairy milk people again and promptly stocked up]
PLOT TWIST | 5/15/2020: Oatly are no longer my non-dairy frozen dessert people. Found out that two of the ingredients are dextrose and glucose syrup. Not sure why they need to MORE sugar when there's already sugar in it. Bummer. So, they've been ixnayed from my freezer and replaced with another brand that makes it with oatmilk.
Black goddess musings on life and becoming a sustainably-conscious human being.